***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Betty ford says i'm here all night
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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