I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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