I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
