Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
