I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
