Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
