What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
she pinky promised me she was 18
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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