And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
