i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
