Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
