There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
