I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
