Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
In America we eat man semen.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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