At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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