Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
