Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
