It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
