I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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