Got a toothbrush?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Randomize