how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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