I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize