Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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