i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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