Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
