Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
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