I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
and she was petting her beer can
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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