She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
