I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
