You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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