i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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