I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
