he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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