Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
