You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
