Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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