plz talk dirty to me
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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