dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Can't talk, ducks in the car
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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