I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
