OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
