Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
