I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
