you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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