I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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