Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
