I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
