Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize