When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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