you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
