Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize