My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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