I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
