you guys were way drunker than both of me
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
