Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
