So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Redeem this text for a blowjob
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Sober January is a disaster.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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