Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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