Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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