They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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