I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
