I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
