i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
