went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize