The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
