the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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