Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
