just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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