I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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