I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize