He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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