She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize