So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
