No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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