I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
