my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
