i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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